The Big TWO ZERO

20 years of age. it has been 20 years since i arrived on earth. i am really thankful i have such great friends who never fail to forget me, or even my birthday. Especially amie and zaty, my bestest of the bestest friends. i have known them for almost 6 years and i remembered we used to quarrel to the extent of not speaking to each other for days or even weeks. Apart from the quarrels, they were the best. Never fail to cheer up my day. And once again, congratulations on being the first 2 person to wish me happy birthday, at the stroke of midnight. Although we only meet up once in a blue moon, which is super long, i appreciate the friendship and bonds we share. Through boundless boundaries, being different races and all. thank you for the wonderful secondary school days.

And not forgetting to thank my cliques (E5a6Bians), mich and tard. janice and kylie. Being in aussie, you guys still remembered. i am grateful for that. you guys brighten up my poly life :D not forgetting tard's heart-to-heart talks. Tard pls hang on. it will be over soon okay?

And of course my census colleagues, devi, anna, vong, zizah, danny, hong soon, yong ming (aka long lost pri sch friend), patricia and many many more. Although we were only colleagues for 3 months, you guys never fail to brighten and liven the boring working life at stats department :D

And again, my wonderful NUS friends, su shan, joan, kelvin, sheena, sheryl, jaclyn and seniors and OG mates and so on. thank you so much. we shall continue to strive on and jiayou for the finals next month.

And Xavier, Geeta, Frederick (SGS). thank you (:

And most of all, thank you daddy and mommy for bringing me up to where i am now. without you guys, i would never be here, to have the chance to continue my studies at NUS, especially daddy, for sacrificing, scrimping and saving just to allow me to continue my studies although its tough on you, being the solebread winner.

And today, the 2nd day of my 20 years, my tears fell. Partly because i know there are people who love and care for me, regardless of who i am. And partly because i read my sis blog. I have always regretted not being there at the last day of wake. If it wasnt for my practical, i would have skipped my lectures to just be there, in person. I didnt get to pay my last respect. AT ALL. Which i should have. Everyone was there, except me. the only niece who wasnt there. i am terribly sorry. i know you wouldnt mind. but i do. i really do. And now i wont be able to ever see you again. I pray and i hope in your next life, you would lead a healthy life, and a long life. For now, please bless your wife for i know she is hurt the most.

七七四十九天了，你终于可以回家了。。。

二伯，回家了。。。

Everything's CRAP.

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.

I feel like jumping down, or bang my head against the wall.

How can i ever survive this semester?

Most of my mid-term results are released back, and the moment i scroll down to my matric no, CRAP.

Heartbeat's fast, shivers down my spine etc.

Haven felt like this for a longg longg while.

I have tried my best didnt I?

No. i didnt. that was not good enough.

Imagine that fking pathetic score being my final examination score.

I would just drown myself.

Should i be contented just because my score isnt the lowest?

Isnt the lowest does not mean good enough for anything.

I didnt even reach the average score. Damn it.

sometimes, another side of me want to just give up and leave.

Personality Test (Overall quite true)

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.