The Truth Hurts, Really...

Would you rather hear the truth and get hurt?
Or would you rather not know the truth and then get on with life as per normal?
Seriously, you are a kind person who smiles at everyone and treats everyone so good.
But, do they deserve it?
No. Not at all.
You dont know the real reason why we dont like the clique.
You dont know what they said about you.
You dont know how they imitate your laughters.
YOU DONT KNOW AT ALL.
And when we ignore them on our way home, you being the only one to say goodbye to them, you ask us why are we like that.
I wish to tell you the truth.
THE UGLY TRUTH.
But, can you take it?
I'm afraid not.
One point that polar said is definitely not wrong.
I have been to poly, whereas you were in a jc.
I have seen the world, the true colours of society.
You have not, cause you have had your comfort zone.
You might not be that filthy rich, but being a single child proves it all.
Me? You cant imagine the pain i have gone through.
Having to scrimp and save till the extent of having bread for meals.
People think i overspent. Really?
I just dont wanna go ard telling people my family has no money for meals.
Thats life.
You havent experience it; and yet you feel we are nasty to them.
BECAUSE YOU HAVENT SEEN THEIR TRUE COLOURS.

fine.
leave for all i care.
you dont have to be forced to stay because of me.
i can survive on my own.
its just a month more.
i'm a loner anyway.

Graduation 2010 ♥

Finally, it was time to leave the beautiful memories behind...

This aside, yesterday was a super duper BAD DAY for me. Early in the morning, i banged my toe against the bedside. Without knowing that it was blue-black and swollen, i squeezed them into my new wedges. On the way to work, due to the pain in my toes and the unbalanced pathway, i tripped on my wedges and fell hard on my knee, giving rise to a bloodied knee. No tissues available so i had to walk with my bloodied knee all the way to office. Thank god i have such a great bunch of colleagues who all went the extra mile to get antiseptic cream and plasters from the other department, crowded around me to see if i was okay. Then after late night dinner/supper with colleagues at suntec, i reached home and AGAIN i banged the already injured toe against the bedside, making it worse. Now, my knee keeps having pus oozing out from the wound. How bad is it? Let the below pics illustrate.

My disgusted knee.

And my big fat soon-to-be deformed last toe.

鬼压床 = Sleep Paralysis

Have you ever had this situation whereby you are already awake, but unable to move yourself? As if 鬼压床? Several minutes passed and you are still stuck, feeling extremely difficult to breathe, as if you are gonna suffocate to death? Finally, i found the answer to the above questions, thanks to my colleague.

So, why can the above situation happen?

Apparently, when someone falls asleep, they will go through different stages of sleep, one of them being the Rapid Eye Movement (REM). During REM, the release of certain neurotransmitters (norepinephrine, serotonin, histamine) is completely shut down. Thus, since the motor neurons are not stimulated, the skeletal muscles become paralysed/extremely relaxed (REM atonia). This is one of the body's defense mechanism because dreaming takes place during REM. When this happens, the person may act out the movements in the dream (e.g. sleepwalk). However, this REM antonia prevents the person from acting out the dangerous movements enacted in the dream.

The main point is...

Sometimes when we take a nap in the afternoon or are suffering from sleep deprivation, sleep paralysis occurs. So, for example, this person has taken an afternoon nap and has just fallen asleep at night. As usual, he will go through the various stages of sleep including REM. Since the sleep pattern has already been disturbed, when he "awakes", the brain has already awaken from REM, however the body paralysis still persist. And since this paralysis can persist from several seconds to several minutes, by this time, the person would have felt panicky for he is unable to move, as if 鬼压床. Moreover, since during REM, our heart rate and breathing rate are irregular, thus having a feeling that its extremely difficult to breathe.

So now i know that it isnt 鬼压床, but sleep paralysis :D

哭过就好了

哭过就好了。thats what i told myself. seriously, i am tired of all these. yes, i am tired of all the fake faces and laughters i portray myself to be. i may seem happy on the surface, there is actually something going on deep inside of me. whats the use of telling people whats the problem? its as if they are able to offer me any help. i dont want all those "oh, i am so sorry to hear about this." or "if you need any help dont hesitate to look for me." kind of thing. do you really think you can help? you are not me. you wont know how it feels when faced with such a situation. i wished i had someone to lean on. anyone will do. but no. i am all alone facing it by myself. just a friendly hug will do.

p.s i miss you snowy. if you were here now, you would laze around in my bed and i would just cuddle you and fall asleep; and everything would be okay...