Dreams vs. Reality

After 20 years on Earth, dreams were both fulfilled and shattered. Dreams of achieving a GPA of 3.8, dreams of entering NUS, dreams of doing science being fulfilled; dreams of entering Monash to do medicine, dreams of entering NUS to do medicine, dreams of being a doctor being shattered. Another one of my dreams may be shattered soon.

Indeed, entering NUS was a difficult choice. Being prestigious, everything here would definitely be 10 times more demanding than all my other neighbourhood schools and what people claimed to be a "lousy" polytechnic that I have attended. Yes, maybe i wouldn't even have the chance to step foot in NUS if i entered the other polytechnics. I knew that if i decided to come here, I would have to give my utmost effort. However, i feel like Jack in the Titanic movie, sinking deeper and deeper into the waters. I still remembered being super depressed after seeing my semester 1 results. Even though i managed to scrap through my chemistry, it left a mark in my CAP, pulling it down like how the Titanic sank. My dreams of doing honours are slipping further and further away from me. I felt so ashamed of myself. Being the worst out of all my friends. Indeed, they should be better than me for they came from a junior college background. But deep inside... I still... At least i am not the only one who feels this way. At least i can talk to my RP senior about it because we are in the same exact position. At least I have my diploma to fall back on. At least...

I don't dare to think about my upcoming results at the end of the month... Will there be a difference? Would someone save me like how Rose got rescued? Or would I continue to sink deeper into the ocean just like Jack, never to resurface again? It remains a question to be answered...

Really, sometimes you just have to be content with what you are given. Even if the end isn't sweet, I would just have to accept it. Cause what can i do apart from that? Ultimately, dreams are dreams, not reality...

Its Already 2011?

こんばんわ。わたしはステイシーです。シンガポールからしました。シンガポールこくりつだいがくのがくせいです。いちねんせいです。だいがくはとてもきれいです。そして、食べ物はとてもおいしいです。でも、宿題はとてもむずかしいです。とてもたいへんですね。。。

I miss learning Japanese... Was unable to continue this semester. Thus, in order not to forget what I have learnt, I have tried writing a self-introductory essay here. HAHA.

Anyway, my new semester is coming to an end all too soon. It seemed like it just started. And in a few months time, I would be a yr 2 undergrad. Time really passes by so fast. And then I will be 21. What do I hope to achieve this year? I think the number 1 concern would definitely be my sucky grades. Did a calculation and predicted my CAP for this semester, and I got a shock of my life. In order to at least be accepted for honours, I would have to get at least an A- for ALL MY MODULES. Which is totally impossible, or even insane! Nevertheless, I would still have to mug like crazy and hope for the best. Especially this semester since most of my finals are either MCQs, essay-based or open-booked, which means that it is even harder to score.

Anyways, I might not be able to blog as frequent as I used to cause I have tonnes and tonnes of projects to settle. Arghh. Chiong and chiong and chiong. 2 4000+ report to be submitted by week 11 and I haven't even start. I just don't know how to when they are not in my field of study. Especially infocomm. Really regretted taking the IT module. Arghh. Stats next semester. Even worse. I think I'm gonna just die.

Never mind, I shall just focus on my finals and then holidays! Exciting holidays are coming! Gonna be a senior to the freshies. Come freshies! Join SOW 2011! I bet you will have fun! Omg. I can't believe I volunteered myself to enter a 3 camps, especially when I used to really dread camps and would give any excuses just to avoid it! HAHA. Okay enough of crapping. I need to hit the books man ):

Egg-citing December

Yes. It has been an exciting december, ever since my disastrous exams were over and stuffs.

Had plenty of outings with different groups of friends, attending of weddings and more.

Words can't tell much but pictures does so i will let them do the talking :D

K-Box with cliques after soooooo long :D

Cousin's Wedding <3

OG's Timbre + Slumber Partayyy (:

Another note aside, results were released today vis push SMS. and oh god. i didnt dare to read my msg, which i eventually did. To qoute what my friend said : " i dont know whether to cry or laugh." and "not sure if its really worth calling for a celebration." Very true indeed. It fits totally. The crying part with the lousiest C.A.P that i have seen in my studying history, and the laughing part with chemistry which i had prepared to retake next sem. Well i guess its no use crying over spilled milk for everything is over. Time to embrace the incoming semester and i sincerely hope i will not encounter such disastrous grades ever again. And talking of next sem, only one word: HAIZ. Am i doing a life science major or a computing major? Seriously. Guess i will see myself talking computer language for the whole of sem 2. Well then, prepare for the challenge stacy.

p.s. although its only a teeny weeny short trip to cameron for a wedding, i cant wait to leave here for some fresh air. and thanks joan for helping me with my module bidding part :D

A Sore Biochemistry Story

The story is about a mRNA, who felt lonely. So he pulled over a ribosome to translate himself a protein for company.

He said to the protein: Hi, I'm your template.

"Hi, I'm RNase." The protein replied.

There was silence for a very short while, and the mRNA continued: Never mind, I won't live for long anyway. Why not we spend some time together?

"Ok." The protein said.

Then they stood side by side for a while. Suddenly the protein said: Actually I'm not RNase yet.

mRNA: Er.

Protein: I'm now just a polypeptide.

mRNA smiled.

Protein: But I'll become real RNase very soon.

mRNA: It's ok. Eventually I'll die anyway.

Protein stayed close to mRNA. She slowly began to twist, fold and make up herself. She looked more and more like a real RNase. Meanwhile, the mRNA started to degrade.

Protein: I think I'd better leave, maybe you can live longer without me.

mRNA: Don't, don't leave. I have something to tell you.

mRNA: You know, I used to have a template as well, his name is DNA.

Protein: Where is he now?

mRNA: He has been sleeping for very long time. His promoter was switched off.

Protein: Who did that? Will he ever wake up again?

mRNA: It was me.

And then he smiled: But he will wake up. As long as I'm gone, he'll wake up.

mRNA continued: I remembered the time I was just transcribed, the DNA said to me, hi, I'm your template. I said, hi, I'm mRNA. Then he smiled and said, nice to meet you. Then he slowly fell asleep.

Protein didn't say anything.

"I missed him a lot." mRNA's voice started to fade, "I'm vanishing. If he wake up, and happen to meet you, would you say hi to him one more time for me?"

And then the mRNA was degraded.

============================================

DNA slowly woke up and saw a little protein standing by, looking at him carefully.

Protein: Hi, I am RNase.

DNA: Hi, I am DNA.

Protein: Hi.

Protein: This second Hi, is from mRNA.

DNA remembered, last time before he fell asleep, he just transcribed a mRNA, but he only said a hi before he fell asleep.

DNA: Where is the mRNA now?

Protein replied without an answer: mRNA said he missed you so much.

DNA smiled: I miss him as well.

Protein: He has already degraded.

…

Protein: But sometimes I would rather be like him.

DNA: Why?

Protein looked at DNA for seconds: Because you miss him as well.

Protein felt wet suddenly, he cried.....and the he hydrolyzed.

===========================================================

DNA finally transcribed another mRNA.

DNA: Hi. I am your template.

mRNA: Hi. I am mRNA.

DNA looked at him, softly said: You look like him, actually exactly the same.

mRNA: Who?

DNA: Oh, another mRNA I transcribed last time.

He paused and said: You two look just the same.....why......why am I still missing him so much?.....

DNA closed his eyes again...........

===========================================================

If we can only encounter each other rather than stay with each other, maybe it's better to just be an intron?

Reference:http://hi.baidu.com/salome_cfiwolf/blog/item/14b219bc062a300618d81fc2.html

15 More Days to THE DAY

Yes, I am terribly afraid of THE DAY.

So afraid that i get nightmares at times.

Out of 5 modules, I have failed 2 terribly.

This is like almost half of my modules.

I have never failed so terribly before.

I sometimes feel like crying upon seeing my scores.

What can i do to pull up my scores?

I have been doing chem exercises, hoping to pull up my scores.

I hope it works.

I need strength and courage to pull through this.

为了将来，我得拼下去。

诗云，加油！你行的！

The Big TWO ZERO

20 years of age. it has been 20 years since i arrived on earth. i am really thankful i have such great friends who never fail to forget me, or even my birthday. Especially amie and zaty, my bestest of the bestest friends. i have known them for almost 6 years and i remembered we used to quarrel to the extent of not speaking to each other for days or even weeks. Apart from the quarrels, they were the best. Never fail to cheer up my day. And once again, congratulations on being the first 2 person to wish me happy birthday, at the stroke of midnight. Although we only meet up once in a blue moon, which is super long, i appreciate the friendship and bonds we share. Through boundless boundaries, being different races and all. thank you for the wonderful secondary school days.

And not forgetting to thank my cliques (E5a6Bians), mich and tard. janice and kylie. Being in aussie, you guys still remembered. i am grateful for that. you guys brighten up my poly life :D not forgetting tard's heart-to-heart talks. Tard pls hang on. it will be over soon okay?

And of course my census colleagues, devi, anna, vong, zizah, danny, hong soon, yong ming (aka long lost pri sch friend), patricia and many many more. Although we were only colleagues for 3 months, you guys never fail to brighten and liven the boring working life at stats department :D

And again, my wonderful NUS friends, su shan, joan, kelvin, sheena, sheryl, jaclyn and seniors and OG mates and so on. thank you so much. we shall continue to strive on and jiayou for the finals next month.

And Xavier, Geeta, Frederick (SGS). thank you (:

And most of all, thank you daddy and mommy for bringing me up to where i am now. without you guys, i would never be here, to have the chance to continue my studies at NUS, especially daddy, for sacrificing, scrimping and saving just to allow me to continue my studies although its tough on you, being the solebread winner.

And today, the 2nd day of my 20 years, my tears fell. Partly because i know there are people who love and care for me, regardless of who i am. And partly because i read my sis blog. I have always regretted not being there at the last day of wake. If it wasnt for my practical, i would have skipped my lectures to just be there, in person. I didnt get to pay my last respect. AT ALL. Which i should have. Everyone was there, except me. the only niece who wasnt there. i am terribly sorry. i know you wouldnt mind. but i do. i really do. And now i wont be able to ever see you again. I pray and i hope in your next life, you would lead a healthy life, and a long life. For now, please bless your wife for i know she is hurt the most.

七七四十九天了，你终于可以回家了。。。

二伯，回家了。。。

Everything's CRAP.

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.

I feel like jumping down, or bang my head against the wall.

How can i ever survive this semester?

Most of my mid-term results are released back, and the moment i scroll down to my matric no, CRAP.

Heartbeat's fast, shivers down my spine etc.

Haven felt like this for a longg longg while.

I have tried my best didnt I?

No. i didnt. that was not good enough.

Imagine that fking pathetic score being my final examination score.

I would just drown myself.

Should i be contented just because my score isnt the lowest?

Isnt the lowest does not mean good enough for anything.

I didnt even reach the average score. Damn it.

sometimes, another side of me want to just give up and leave.