The Big TWO ZERO

20 years of age. it has been 20 years since i arrived on earth. i am really thankful i have such great friends who never fail to forget me, or even my birthday. Especially amie and zaty, my bestest of the bestest friends. i have known them for almost 6 years and i remembered we used to quarrel to the extent of not speaking to each other for days or even weeks. Apart from the quarrels, they were the best. Never fail to cheer up my day. And once again, congratulations on being the first 2 person to wish me happy birthday, at the stroke of midnight. Although we only meet up once in a blue moon, which is super long, i appreciate the friendship and bonds we share. Through boundless boundaries, being different races and all. thank you for the wonderful secondary school days.

And not forgetting to thank my cliques (E5a6Bians), mich and tard. janice and kylie. Being in aussie, you guys still remembered. i am grateful for that. you guys brighten up my poly life :D not forgetting tard's heart-to-heart talks. Tard pls hang on. it will be over soon okay?

And of course my census colleagues, devi, anna, vong, zizah, danny, hong soon, yong ming (aka long lost pri sch friend), patricia and many many more. Although we were only colleagues for 3 months, you guys never fail to brighten and liven the boring working life at stats department :D

And again, my wonderful NUS friends, su shan, joan, kelvin, sheena, sheryl, jaclyn and seniors and OG mates and so on. thank you so much. we shall continue to strive on and jiayou for the finals next month.

And Xavier, Geeta, Frederick (SGS). thank you (:

And most of all, thank you daddy and mommy for bringing me up to where i am now. without you guys, i would never be here, to have the chance to continue my studies at NUS, especially daddy, for sacrificing, scrimping and saving just to allow me to continue my studies although its tough on you, being the solebread winner.

And today, the 2nd day of my 20 years, my tears fell. Partly because i know there are people who love and care for me, regardless of who i am. And partly because i read my sis blog. I have always regretted not being there at the last day of wake. If it wasnt for my practical, i would have skipped my lectures to just be there, in person. I didnt get to pay my last respect. AT ALL. Which i should have. Everyone was there, except me. the only niece who wasnt there. i am terribly sorry. i know you wouldnt mind. but i do. i really do. And now i wont be able to ever see you again. I pray and i hope in your next life, you would lead a healthy life, and a long life. For now, please bless your wife for i know she is hurt the most.

七七四十九天了，你终于可以回家了。。。

二伯，回家了。。。

Everything's CRAP.

CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP.

I feel like jumping down, or bang my head against the wall.

How can i ever survive this semester?

Most of my mid-term results are released back, and the moment i scroll down to my matric no, CRAP.

Heartbeat's fast, shivers down my spine etc.

Haven felt like this for a longg longg while.

I have tried my best didnt I?

No. i didnt. that was not good enough.

Imagine that fking pathetic score being my final examination score.

I would just drown myself.

Should i be contented just because my score isnt the lowest?

Isnt the lowest does not mean good enough for anything.

I didnt even reach the average score. Damn it.

sometimes, another side of me want to just give up and leave.

Personality Test (Overall quite true)

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

5 days to mid-terms

I feel like i am gonna breakdown any time. I know i am too pessimistic and worry too much, but i cant help it, especially when i compare myself to the rest. Maybe its the way i was brought up, or the environment that i have been in. Hearing people beside me saying "Woah, its J1/J2 work!" during lectures can be super demoralizing. Yeah, to you guys, it can seem to be so easy. But for me, a person not belonging to anywhere, not even a top polytechnic, it sends shivers down my spine. I want to be like the rest. But i simply cant. After yesterday's chatting session, I realise its either i am wayy too stressed or they are too relaxed. In one way or another, i have to admit that i am a perfectionist. I cant stand failure. What may seem good for you may not necessarily be the same to me. Damn. I think i have bottled up my feelings for too long. Maybe i should just... What if... A cry should suffice, de-stress. High expectations... what should i do? I know my dear friends in monash are feeling the same way... I wished i could fly over right now to give them a hug, to comfort them as well as myself, cause we are in the same boat. No way to go now, either do or die. By hook or by crook, i have to endure. If i can survive this semester, i will be able to survive the rest. If my mid-terms crash, i would ... go out to the world and work? Uncertainties...

1 MONTH INTO UNIVERSITY LIFE...

seriously, i have never felt so tired before. imagine having to do 3 lab reports a week, tonnes of tutorials, tonnes of tests and whatnots. this was the reason why i didnt want to enter a junior college. i have had a taste of what is it like to be in a junior college. but alas, i cant escape the fact that university life is like that too. every single day after lessons, i have to return home, eat dinner, start my tutorials/lab reports and then revise what has been taught earlier in the day. no time for anything else. to cut short, i have simply no life. my daily routine = wake up, go for lessons, return home, do tutorials and whatnots, mug, sleep. AND THIS INCLUDES MY WEEKENDS. how boring can it be. to be exact, life in RP was simply slacky. I used to worry during PP and FYP. but seriously, that is chicken feet compared to this. I am afraid i cant hang on. I am standing on a soon to be worn out rope, trying to hold on for my dear life. i always tell myself to perserve and you will reap what you sow. but to be honest, i dont even know if i can wait till then.

STACY, THIS IS THE LAST HURDLE TO OVERCOME. ONCE YOU HAVE OVERCOME, EVERYTHING WILL BE A BREEZE. ITS JUST 4 YEARS. IT WILL PASS IN A BLINK. HANG ON. DONT GIVE UP. EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU. JIAYOU!

NUS Science Orientation Week Part II

As usual, SOW has been fabulous, except for the fear factor part which i was totally freaked out that i pulled out of the segment. Loads of photos, both glam and unglam were taken by my seniors. I am so glad i took part in SOW!

Photo galore below :D

DAY 1

WET & DIRTY GAMES

AMAZING RACE

SENTOSA

FRESHMEN INAUGURATION 2010

RAG & FLAG DAY CUM YOG 2010

NUS Science Orientation Week Part I

Yes, I am finally back from camp! These few days was absolute fun, joy and laughters. Although I was the only poly student from my entire OG group, or maybe even OG house, I was glad that i was able to fit in. Many friends made and many bonds forged. Loads of photos taken by the seniors too. The only stressed time was during the CORS bidding session. Seriously, there were many advices given by different seniors, some of them conflicting with each other. I had to filter out and seriously think through which path i wanted to take and the consequences. Like the econs module. Out of all the faculties and modules, computing, design and the others are definitely out cause i have seriously no interest in all those. The only choice being econs. But being a poly student means a disadvantage cause i have no econs background. My RP senior warned me about it but i went ahead with it. I believe i will be able to do well as long as i make a constant effort to study. Same for Jap.

So here are the module that have been pre-allocated and the modules i plan to take:

Pre-allocated
1. LSM1101 Biochemistry of biomolecules
2. LSM1102 Molecular Genetics
3. CM1401 Chemistry for Life Sciences

To bid for
1. EC1301 Principles of Economics
2. LAJ1201 Japanese 1

WOOHOO! Photos up soon!

Upcoming events:
1. Freshmen Inauguration
2. CORS bidding part II
3. Flag Day
4. Science Orientation Week Part II
5. Rag Day
6. Registering for tutorials

AND FINALLY, LESSONS OFFICIALLY STARTS...